I don't think I did it right.
Let me set the stage for you. I'd just come home from work. I'd had trouble with my boss, and on top of that I was so overwhelmed from the heat, noise, and, mess, and general annoyances present at work that I knew I wasn't going to be able to prepare dinner properly, and that was bad because all the food I have right now needs preparation. I decided to stop at a nearby store to get a frozen pizza; at least I had only about a 50% chance of ruining that.
(Thinking back on it, I shouldn't have gone to the store. That store has horrible fluorescents, and it always makes things worse.)
I grabbed my pizza and went to the checkout. In line, I realized I had forgotten my wallet, along with its bank card. I still had my checkbook, though, so I thought I'd be OK.
The woman rang up my pizza and I started writing the check, putting my phone number on it as I knew was the rule at that store. The woman asked for my driver's license. "I don't have one," I said. (Obviously. I can't drive.)
"Well, do you remember your driver's license number?"
"No, but I remember my social security number."
"I'm sorry, that won't work. Do you have any other form of ID?"
"I have a paycheck made out to me."
"Sorry. We can't do that."
"Well, one of the people who works here knows me. Dorothy trained me a couple of years ago, and I worked here for a few days."
Dorothy couldn't be found.
At this point, I couldn't figure out what else to say. Had I had all my mental faculties, I might've been able to explain to the woman that I don't have a driver's license; that if I weren't who I said I was, how had I gotten a paycheck made out to me; that if she'd let me identify myself with a memorized driver's license number, why not a memorized social security number? Had I been dishonest, I suppose I could have claimed to have memorized my driver's license number; the check would've cleared and nobody would've known. But I hadn't the mental faculties to be dishonest, either.
So I'm completely stymied; my stomach is growling; I'm anxious and tense and I'm having to put forth a decent amount of effort just to filter the woman's words from the background store noise. And, for some reason, I thought something along these lines: "So, what do people do to tell others they're being unreasonable? I know! Cuss them out!" (Clearly my logic wasn't working very well.)
So I said, "Fuck you."
I forgot to change my tone, though, so I said it in the same way I would have said, "Have a nice day."
Oops. Maybe cussing needs practice before you can do it right?
I left, biked home, and nearly started two traffic accidents. For some reason, I've put my glasses down somewhere and can't find them. I need a shower but that means I'd have to get up and do something that requires sequential thought and tolerance of wetness... not a problem usually, but right now... forget it. I think I'd have trouble talking out loud at this point.
My cat Tiny came up to me just as I started typing this. He's not usually affectionate, but for some reason he climbed onto my lap and started purring and rubbing against my face. I guess he saw my distress and wanted to comfort me. Strange that a cat would do something that takes so very much "theory of mind"... but I suppose domestication has that effect on them. That, I think, and kitty treats.
I am going to go lie on the floor for a while. I think I'll be OK with a shower after that. I probably have some bread and butter, too. So things aren't that bad.
I don't think I'm cut out to curse at folks. I'm simply not going to go back to that store. The fluorescents alone are bad enough to prompt me to do that.