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Culture of Prejudice

I've been realizing lately that I've been more than a little coddled being part of the online disability community--and, for that matter, the online community in general. Here, we haven't got a problem accepting people who are weird, funny-looking, slower or less coordinated, who need more help than others, or who are just plain different--or else, if someone has got a problem, he's not afraid to say it. Online, reactions to my having autism have tended to be either things like, "Oh, cool, my sister has that," or else something along the lines of, "Ahaha! Ass Burgers! Loser!" It's either obvious acceptance or obvious rejection. So much easier to interpret than the subtler stuff in the non-digital world. Online, people are free to say exactly what they mean--something like what autistics often do in real life--and that, for me, is such a relief!

But it's not so easy offline. When people lose the ability to say exactly what they like through the protection of anonymity, it's much harder to detect prejudice and it's much harder to figure out when somebody is going to mistreat you for being disabled. When children are younger, of course, they lack the social subtlety to pass prejudice under the radar of the socially acceptable; and comments like "ass burger" may easily fly around an elementary or even high-school classroom. But as people get older, the prejudice gets more subtle and, dare I say, politically correct.

Like many engineers-in-training, I'm taking a class that is meant to teach the basics of a concept called Six Sigma. Basically, Six Sigma is a quality-control method that centers around using data-collection and statistical analysis to reduce the error rate in a procedure, whether that procedure involves manufacturing a car or taking care of a post-surgical patient. (Six sigma refers to errors occurring only at six standard deviations or more from the ideal value--a very low error rate.) Six Sigma has become a VERY big thing because people have begun to realize just how much money they lose to errors, and of course, this being business, the bottom line is the bottom line. (I am not at all fond of this philosophy. Shouldn't quality be pursued for its own sake? But then, I am not a natural businesswoman and would much rather work at McDonald's than for the marketing department of a Fortune 500 company, no matter the salary difference.)

In any event (you were wondering where I was going with this random off-topicness, right?), like most students, I paged through the textbook upon first getting it, and in the very first chapter was a quote that warned companies against not being flexible enough: "Learning disabilities are tragic in children, but they are fatal in organizations. Because of them, few corporations live even half as long as a person--most die before they reach the age of forty."

Ouch.

Now, granted, it makes sense: It's bad when a company can't adjust to new circumstances. But learning disabilities aren't tragic; never have been. If there's a tragedy, it's prejudice, not the learning disability itself. For those of us who know about learning disabilities, this is just not a very apt comparison: If there's anything we are good at, it's finding creative ways to work around our weaknesses so that we can do what we want with our lives.

So... like a good little activist, I wrote to the people who had printed the textbook and explained that learning disabilities were not, in fact, a tragedy, and that there were quite a few learning-disabled engineers, including me, looking to learn Six Sigma. And I got a very surprising response.

The author had, it seemed, had no idea that using this quote was even a problem; had, in fact, used it several times; and, apparently, nobody before me had ever brought it to his attention before. So, in the next editions of the books which contain the quote, he plans to change it--a simple solution and all in all, quite a good result--but, given that the author had nothing against people with learning disabilities, and did not intend to imply that we are tragedies, why did this happen in the first place?

The quote is an example of socially acceptable prejudice. Unlike "ass burger" comments and the like, it avoids all the obvious triggers for outrage. It doesn't directly attack people with learning disabilities; it simply takes for granted that "everybody knows learning disabilities are tragic" on the way to using this as an example to demonstrate why companies need to be flexible.

This is the dangerous kind of prejudice--the demure, well-groomed kind that slips into polite society and makes itself at home in the form of ever-so-slight superiority, pity, and the attitude that the disabled should be an object lesson in being thankful for one's blessings.

I would much, much rather be called an "ass burger" or a "retard". At least that sort of prejudice is honest. And at least it's perpetrated by people who know exactly what they are doing--rather than soaked up by well-meaning individuals who then express it unconsciously, almost against their will.

Prejudice like this is embedded in our culture. We grow up breathing it in the air, drinking it in the water. It colors the books we read and the TV shows we watch. And, as though we have been wearing tinted glasses all our lives, we don't realize that the world is actually different from the way we see it. When we have children and those children are diagnosed with a disability, we take it for granted that the disability must be tragic without questioning why. When we ourselves become disabled by age or injury, we mourn a loss rather than simply adjusting to a change. This subtle, cultural prejudice is even adopted by people who have disabilities from birth; and many of us have to deal with it as part of growing up and establishing an independent idea of who we are, apart from what the world tells us we are.

This subtle sort of prejudice is difficult to fight. Unlike the overt sort, you can't even become angry at people who perpetuate it, because most likely they don't even know they are doing it. There's nothing to fight--only people whose viewpoints are skewed so slightly they aren't even aware of it.

But this is where awareness campaigns come in. Rather than using them to explain to people how horrible it is to have a child with autism, why don't we use them to explain to people what autism is like, how we live and how we have fun, how we solve problems, how we interact? Why not show people that autism is not a tragedy simply by giving them a realistic picture of what autism is like--the good, the bad, the everyday people who, like any human being, have problems but yet have the potential for a happy, worthwhile life?

Yes, autism can cause problems. It can be difficult sometimes. Things take longer to learn; things take longer to do; maybe we need more help than most people need. But if we can just explain to the everyday people who have grown up with cultural prejudice that isn't even their fault--if we can induce them to challenge the idea that disability is naturally, obviously tragic--then we'll have won a great victory.

Comments

Inability to adapt is a problem that can affect any person or corporation. I'm guessing that's what the author meant. But you're right--it's an odd example to use to make this point.

I think that with respect to many attitudes, we are unreflective about the language we use that conveys them and, thus, that we even HAVE those attitudes. You make a good point.

(Anonymous)

We all are handicapped in some way

Even if it's our blindness towards those we feel less fortunate, when we may be the less fortunatae ones!! (I don't know if that makes sense to you, it did to me...)

Good point. Good gentle conciousness raising of the author. The most powerful way to do it!

I'm thinking of my mama and her "alzheimers" and the long goodbye idea that raises money for alzheimers opportunists. She remembers a lot more than she forgets and is living on her own. Giving her a break seems to do more for her spirit than anything. If we saw her as 'handicapped', she probably would be. No tragedy when there is so much there.
Hmm... one of the reasons that I was able to recognize that I may have had symptoms that would lead to my diagnosis was that I worked for a Six Sigma Automotive company. My problems in remembering the processes would result in my being fired. At first I simply assumed that I was no longer working hard and it would not be until later that I would find out what may have been contributing to my mistakes at my last job.

Being a bit older than you, it was the ability to be honest without any thought to paint a picture of myself that has made for being online a lot easier place for me to learn about people. My friend Nebraska and I are getting used to one another... for years I had thought she was one way because of her online persona, but now that I am here... anywho, I digress (and have made myself dizzy!) and I share your opinion that the difference from being online and involved with people and in the analog world dealing with people face to face is that there is a filter that keeps people from revealing their trun intention and meaning in their words. I moved to Omaha less for a fresh start but so that I would be comfortable with treating people the same... suspiciously! Allow them to prove by tangible actions what their intent is and I can more accurately gauge a person and judge the kind of relationship that we can have.

Don't know if this makes any sense but it is what came to my mind. Have a good day!

Symptoms

Hey Bigmark,
Your writing sounds so much like mine.
~~Howard

(Anonymous)

Yes

Fully agree :) You said it all.

from Chickenbird off Wrongplanet

(Anonymous)

Prejudice in the workplace

I came across two striking bits of prejudice when I worked for a magazine in New York City.

I have ADD and LD, but I'm also an Ivy League grad in writing, so while some of the social mores of magazine culture baffled me (ASD folks aren't the only ones to suffer social confusion!) I was in my element: words, words and more words.

My boss was a nice guy. I wasn't out about my disabilities because, well, magazines tend to view all folks with 'problems' as space aliens. Similarly, if you aren't thin, good-looking and from a good school, you still might as well be a space alien to them. It's a very peculiar society, one with lots of high heels and photographs well, but all that fashion leads to vapidity and cold knees in winter (mini-skirts in February!). But I could get by, and did. And despite the fashionistas and their buff male counterparts, I worked in a decent department for a decent man.

But this decent man received a scare: his son's school suggested that his son might have ASD or ADD and unspecified learning disabilities. I felt sorry for the man—not because of his son, who was and still remains a lovely, easy-to-love boy, but because those school officials seem to have paraded a veritable Addams Family of scary situations in front of the guy. So I told my boss I have ADD and LD. That, yes, it can be a bitch getting accommodations in school, but that a kid can be ADD and happy (I mostly was). And do well (I mostly have).

Missing on the social cues, I elaborated. My parents had been in the space program, and I knew folks who almost certainly had ASD who had been indispensable to the Hubble and to a mission that ran on the Shuttle. Furthermore, these were both well-adjusted men with families. Yes, odd by most standards, but good people with reasonable lives who did well in the world....

Did I mention I was missing his social cues?—my boss started to look at me as though -I- were a member of the Addams family, about to munch on a toe-of-frog sandwich. Perhaps I going to morph into Cousin It! Those teachers must have scared him good—he never looked at me the same again.

Yet I was the same person before and after.

A few weeks later, a friend with a young daughter began telling me of the problems she faced applying for kindergarten for her daughter. The best kindergartens in New York City are competitive, and applying can be more rigorous than many college applications. (I'm not kidding.) This woman, a lovely person and usually deeply sensitive to others, lamented how difficult it was, but praised the results: excellent schools that set young children in good stead for success... then the kicker. "Of course they have to test them extensively. They have to weed out any behavior problems like ADD or LD."

I was stunned. That was me she was talking about! Suddenly, I wasn't a graduate student who'd beaten out hundreds for a spot in a great program—I was a behavior problem. Whatever I was, I was also a coward. So instead of saying something, I went to the bathroom and tried not to cry.

(Anonymous)

My friend and I were half-joking, half-arguing (it's a funny thing we do; it's a lot like the way NTs play-fight, so just picture that even though it's a little different), and she said that I was crazy and I should be locked up.

I got really offended and turned way serious and started beating her with a pillow and saying she shouldn't say things like that.

I mean, the mentally ill don't need to be locked up. How can my friend think such prejudiced things?

Aside from that, the comparison doesn't offend me in the slightest. Once you get over your prejudices, being called crazy isn't in the least bit upsetting. Why should it be? Just because people are scared of the mentally ill and hate them... that's more to do with their own prejudices than with the mentally ill. So I no more find it offensive than I would find it offensive for someone to say I had cancer or something. If anything, it's offensive to the mentally ill to compare me to them!

(As for saying I should be locked up... my friend makes very violent jokes. I think they're jokes. I hope they're jokes. Not offensive to me, just, again, the mentally ill.)
Even before I was diagnosed with anything, I took being called 'weird' or 'crazy' as being a compliment (my joke in high school was that the worst thing to be was half-crazy--sane people are afraid of crazy people, and crazy people aren't afraid of anyone, but the half-crazy are afraid of both of them). I am what I am, and proud of it. So when people call me something that I identify as being, even if it's meant as an insult, I'm going to take it as a compliment. It's certainly not news.
Hi,
I just re-discovered your LJ and I wanted to tell you that I really enjoy your writing. I would like to add you to my friends list, if that's ok?

Thank you for writing as you do, though. I am glad to be able to learn about others, and how they perceive the world.

(Anonymous)

It is true that we are prejudice. I won't deny that, but us neurotypicals are not as acute as you are, and that applies to analysis of the words we use as well. In my opinion, the author probably used that term because of two reasons:

1- Autism was not the type of disability he was referring to. After all someone who writes a book must have a good knowledge of what autism is. As far as I know autistics are not completely "disabled" when it comes to learning. On the contrary, depending on the subject, you could have other learning advantages that a neurotypical would never have! So, if I'm comparing myself with you, I have a learning disability when it comes to reading and math. Now if someone could not survive on their own because they can not learn at all, that would be a tragedy. And this is a problem with our society not the individual, because our society as a system is not evolved enough to support an individual like that. There is nothing wrong with this type of individual but there is something wrong with all neurotypicals. we are just too selfish. We don't care about others' well-beings that much and we only care about ourselves in general. well, we sometimes care, but that is not enough. It should be all the time! If that was the case then even the most advanced learning barrier would not have been a problem. Also, the book you mentioned was written about organizations, most of which run by merely selfish rules and regulations= corporations= Fortune 500... All they think about is crushing others to succeed. So, in my opinion it is the selfishness that is the root of all the problems.

2- The word "tragedy" was probably used as an exaggeration. Tragedy could also simply mean serious problem. I remember when I broke my electric pocket dictionary 5 years ago (English is my second language and I highly depended on my dictionary for communication) and I said "this is a tragedy" But was it a tragedy? No, I still communicated with my broken English and perhaps used a lot of wrong words. Of course, eventually I bought a new one. But the point is that my first reaction was "this is a tragedy" although I knew it really wasn't!

I hope all this makes sense to you,

Cheers,
MP

(Anonymous)

I hope you know that having a learning disability doesn't make you incapable of learning.

...I usually don't see that level of self-hate coming from NTs at NTs. Nobody's perfect, but it's people in general who are awful. There are people who overcome our selfish tendencies. Some of these people are NT. Some of these people are not NT. I'd hazard a guess that being moral is hard in different ways for different kinds of people, though.

But people with learning disabilities can learn. The only people who cannot learn are those with a condition called anencephaly. They're generally stillborn. An unlucky few survive a short time.

Wow. I never expected I'd be having this argument. The pendulum has sure swung in the opposite direction, which, I guess, is a good thing. Um, thanks.

(Anonymous)

To me, a learning disability is when the rate at which we learn things is slower when compared to the majority. More or less. But I guess there are different levels of learning disability.

I'd say using the term "self-hate" is a bit too strong. I think a more appropriate term for what I feel is "disappointed". I am very disappointed at how we treat each other. I am disappointed at our education system failing to teach us about the value of being a human. The importance of living in a community and respecting and valuing all the members and all communities. And yes there are always some people who overcome their selfishness and awfulness, or maybe they are just naturally kind and caring and compassionate. It is probably because of these people that we haven't gone extinct yet as a species.

When we look beyond our disabilities, we are all unique, which means our abilities and talents are unique and one of a kind. Well, I guess almost everyone believes in this. I study art, and it was in art school when I realized and started to believe that a lot of times it's our disabilities that make us unique in a good way. Disabilities help us create things or come up with ideas that are one of a kind. Lets say disability is the mother of creativity :)

You know what's odd? I've actually studied anencephaly to some extent... and it seems that infants with anencephaly actually can learn in a very limited sense. They are born without a cerebral cortex and are not conscious; but they still have the brain stem; so they can apparently learn very simple things--usually along the lines of refining the sucking reflex, for example.

BTW: I really don't think it's unlucky when an anencephalic infant survives past birth--it gives the parents more time with their child, more time to be a parent before the inevitable happens. I've read accounts of parents who had anencephalic infants and I've never seen anyone say they were sorry that their child lived for the hours or days that it did live--they were just grateful for the time they had to spend with the baby.

(Anonymous)

is prejudice ever appropriate?

I have to admit I didn't see anything wrong with the book entry, but after reading your entry I see why it is hurtful and I'm glad it is being changed. It seems to me that a person does not take the label of disabled unless they have enough trouble to need a significant amount of outside help beyond the needs of an average person. When someone is disabled we treat them differently, usually by offering additional help (e.g. disability payments from social security) or not holding them accountable to social norms (i.e. I've seen people overlook being hit by a stranger or yelled at when they realized the person was handicapped). We do that because we are told to make accommodations for "those less fortunate than ourselves." So it is pretty natural to label disability as something unfortunate. Tragedy is too strong of a word (usually) but I don't think it is wrong for people to believe it would be better if there was no disability. Are we supposed to act like it is a positive thing if someone is born blind? I don't think it is a tragedy but, all things being equal, it would be preferable if a person were born without a disability. Just because there is a negative aspect associated with the disability does not mean that negativity is directed at the person.

(Anonymous)

Re: is prejudice ever appropriate?

Blindness means you don't have to waste your resources processing sight.

I wouldn't willingly give up my sight, but... well, I'm the person upthread who said blindness doesn't scare me, either.

Re: is prejudice ever appropriate?

Is it inherently better to have a skill than not to have a skill? Some people assume it is.

But does that mean that if you are very good at math, you should pity the people who are not good at math and assume that their lives are not as good as yours?

The same holds true even when the skill in question is something like walking or speaking. You cannot assume that the lack of a skill means that the person's life is not as good as yours.

(Anonymous)

Re: is prejudice ever appropriate?

I would not think it was detrimental if a person was not as skilled as average unless their inability presented a substantial challenge to their being able to live a reasonably long and healthy life. I don't think this is about whether someone else's life is as "good" as another person's life. I think we'd all agree that every person is worthy and can live a rewarding and fulfilling life regardless of abilities. But it seems like you are telling me that if I hope my child is born without disabilities I'm a bad person and discriminating against you. I don't think that is true. Do you think a doctor is being prejudiced if they tell an expectant mother to take vitamins and abstain from alcohol to reduce the risk of her baby being born with a disability? Is it prejudice for a mother to tell their child to wear a helmet when they ride a bike to avoid a possible injury that could make them disabled? I suppose it is prejudiced in both cases because each is showing a preference for avoiding disability. But I don't see this prejudice as being morally wrong. I also don't see this prejudice as being pity for a handicapped person or thinking that their life is less valuable, worthy, or good.

(Anonymous)

Hello

My boyfriend and I are talking marriage. His 14 year old daughter has Asperger's which I have embraced. She loves making videos of a cartoon and has a youtube blog. We have always shared her videos and had fun talking about them. We recently discovered she was saying cruel and hurtful things about my child and myself. Both parents and I sat down and tried to talk to her, she apologized to me but then continued to say what she perceived I did wrong (none of it is true). She is blaming me for missing her cartoon on a given night when in fact it was her parents and a social event that made her miss her show. How do we get past this and make her understand that her rudeness is very hurtful to myself and my child. She is being very mean in the things she is saying and it is all because of her misperceptions of issues not based in reality. Both of her parents are very supportive of me and my position. She does not know she has Aspergers, they are planning on telling her this summer. Do you have any advice on how to mend this bridge with her that she is working hard and feeling justified in destroying? She says she now hates me and my son. We have always been very kind, understanding of her and interested in participating in her interests. Is there a good way to get her from wanting everything done for her to being an independent teen? She has been coddled and given her way because it was easier and she is using manipulation knowingly to get her way. To this she admitted in her blog. I need any advice or help you can give me.

Re: Hello

What I am surprised at is that she has not been told she is autistic, and she is already fourteen years old. When people ask me when they should tell their child they are autistic, my standard response is, "Right now." As soon as they are able to understand even the simplest version of the facts. Growing up not knowing you are autistic is very difficult. People treat you differently and you don't know why. You can't do things that typical kids can do and you don't know why; so you assume you must be lazy, stupid, mean, etc. It's not a good way to grow up. How she'll react when she's told, I don't know; it's much more difficult to hear about when you are fourteen and the anti-disability prejudice has already been firmly ingrained in your mind...

You are thinking of merging a stepfamily. All by itself this causes problems that have little to do with Asperger's. It may be even more difficult for her than it would be for a typical child, because if she is like many other autistics it is very difficult for her to adjust to change. It is like the difference between moving to a nearby town and moving to a foreign country. You will both have to make adjustments.

One more thing: Everything she does may be influenced by her autism, but everything she does, she does because she is who she is. Does she understand why it is considered "rude" to speak your mind rather than hiding your thoughts and feelings? Maybe; maybe not.

You will have to learn her language, learn her way of communicating. She has spent her entire life learning about typical people. Think of it a little like learning to understand a different culture...